Reality Check.....

It's been 4 months now... Reality check time....
Feb 23, 2010. And we're in China.. Harry has a job, I'm jobless, again...
I'm sitting in my dining room, having dinner alone on the other side of the world, away from all my family (except Harry), and most of my friends... Harry is at a business dinner and I am having a glass of wine and eating the dinner that Alan, our Ayi, has cooked for us... staring outside at red Chinese symbols on the multiple buildings just outside of our apartment, and reality hits.. DAMN! I'm really far away from my homeland...and a hint of loneliness  washes over me. For the last 2 hrs, I have been trying to communicate and have an inkling of a conversation with Alan, with no avail.. I am so far from integration, today it is scary and a bit lonely..
I also found out today that the first girlfriend I made in China is most likely to leave on the 1st of April for good, and another of my friends is having monetary and marital problems...  I am grateful and lucky to have my Harry who is so uncomplicated and loyal, and stable, but at the same time, I am still a bit lonely...I am simply human....
Harry and I just came back from a wonderful trip in Australia and Singapore. In Australia, we went on a sailing trip with 14 young people, the age of our children. I could not help but wish that it was my children that was on the boat with us..instead of a bunch of strange backpackers, who by the way were very nice... Then on arrival in China, a close YOUNG family member passed away. I guess with all those events and feelings, I am entitled to a bit lonesomeness...but again, I am grateful, A: for my health B: for a wonderful Husband and fantastic children C:
 for a Loving family who supports us in all our decisions and D: for the love of all our friends and family...
But still, today, I feel detached for the first time in this far away land that is China. These people, who understand very little of how we think, and who we are. Today I felt their stares sink into my skin, I felt their questions, even if they did not speak... "Who are you, where do you come from, what do you want??? " But I could not answer... I am stuck between a bit of sign language and a few words of mandarin as my only means of communication and as curious as I am, I 'crave' the comfort of a simple conversation with a perfect stranger...
Today is a small struggle, I am human after all.... today reality hits...
and tomorrow is another day...
your word of the day... "Tongxin"  pronounced - tong chin-  meaning 'communication'

Nihao for now...and I miss you my family, my friends... Pauline :. )